soliloquy
Collection 6
Not A Poem
Static
11:11 Make A Wish
i miss you?
Not A Poem
I’m looking for a clever string of words to portray how sad I am that I can’t be with you. How sad I am that to ever pursue that dream I would have to hurt others to get out of the tangled web that is my life. How sad I am that if I were to untangle myself and make the journey to your doorstep, that not only would you close the door in my face, but also I would lose the most meaningful friendship I have ever had.
No string of words is imperfect enough to describe you. Because a perfect poetic portrait to describe our long lasting relationship would not be an accurate one. No string of words is descriptive enough to portray the heartache and pain I have survived to make as little progress as I have. No string of words could paint a picture vivid enough to display how undeserving I am of someone as beautiful and witty and sought after as you.
I’m looking for an artistic string of words to put my pain into perspective as I reflect on the years of doubt and cover-ups. Of Freudian slips, of complimenting too much, of wondering if you’re on to me because you were the first to start this mess and the first one to end it. The only one to end it, as I’m still stuck shoulders deep in the quick sand of your spirit—the poison of your radiant personality. No string of words could create a concept capable of explaining you. Your hair color, your button nose, the feeling you give me when we simply make eye contact. No string of words could do you justice.
So I won’t write one.
Static
My mind is so emphatic.
I have exactly what I wanted,
But nothing that I want.
I have exactly what I needed,
But I'm so unsatisfied.
I am defiantly undaunted,
But I can feel the haunt.
I have desperately conceded,
But it's swiftly been denied.
If I ask for what I want, I will lose all
I have.
Is what I have worth fighting for
To keep?
If I slip or trip, then I will surely fall
Asleep.
Is what I want worth fighting for
To lose?
I'll live my life and watch my hopes and daydreams float away
Across the sea as I stand there hopeless on the bay.
I wish, I wish, I really do, that they had time to stay,
But it's better off for all of us that they be cast away.
My body is so static.
11:11 Make A Wish
11:11 on the dash, I
stared straight at the taillights. “I…” my voice
wavered, then
tapered off. I
glanced back at the dash, the clock
beckoning. I
begged “I wish… I wish it isn’t too late.” I
look down at the clock.
11:12 on the dash, I
realize I am too late. I
remember I’m years late. 2 to
be exact. I
convince myself,
Wait, just
wait just a little bit longer. But
wait for what? I
missed it, I
missed her.
Go.
Open up.
Ask.
Admit.
Feel.
Be in the moment.
Live in the moment. I
knew how to
think the verbs and how to
write the verbs, but I never
knew how to
act. I just
needed to act. Maybe I still
Can.
I miss you?
Do you miss me as much as
I miss you?
Better question, are you still what I miss?
Are you and I the me and you we were back then?
Can we be? Should we be?
I miss that.
Do I miss her or do
I miss you?
Better question, do I miss who I was?
Is he and I and her and you the same now and then?
Can we be? Should we be?
Do you miss me, too?